Sunday, November 21

Fears and Opinions

I am still wondering what the purpose of this blog is. People usually start writing because they want to express their thoughts - no matter how cliché it sounds, some because of their ability to better express their feelings in writing rather than conversation.  I started this blog wanting to make my writing better and to catch on my writing before it fades away. But then I realised whenever I open this page to write I am not sure what to write about. I am all out of topic.

I am not saying I have nothing to write about because whoever you are once you open a notepad and start writing, somethings is bound to come up in your notes. I am not even saying I don't care about the environment enough to write about the pollution, or the twilight series or the latest sensational news that is on everyone's mind. I do care. It is not that I do not have sorrows of my own that I would want to write about or things happening in my life that I want to share. I do but the moment I open the page to write, what I want to write about is what is completely inappropriate to write down.

I want to write my feelings down but somehow it feels scary. Oscar Wilde wrote in The Picture of Dorian Gray, 'Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself.'. That is how it feels. I think in those mere lines, he successfully summarized how everyone feels just before they start revealing their work to the world's eye. I bet every other writer has a completely different version of the story in Private than when they know their work is going to be seen by other people.  I am not saying it is deviating from the truth but most usually mellow their opinions which they think is inappropriate for public view. We are naturally more self-conscious when we start writing about things that we know people are going to read and judge based on it. We are always more cautious.   

So I am here trying to write down everything that had happened to me or will happen to me but it still feels scary. But that is the point of it all, isn't it? Having the courage to bare everything in your mind and not be scared to show people what has really been on your mind. No matter how the world reacts to what you had to say, the feeling that you get after revealing it is what makes it worthwhile in the end. For me, it is just the initial fear assailing me for the moment but Believe me I started this with a purpose and I have no intention of stopping here. I intend to keep on writing so when I say there is still a lots more that I have to say, there really is.

Sunday, November 14

First Blog

It has been a long time since I have written anything. I am a literature student. I love writing and I should love writing. But then overtime you get so busy with things that are never important that you take for granted that since you already know how to write and that you have already written so many times before, it will come naturally to you. But it does not. It gets rusty over time and when you finally decide to sit down and open your Notepad, nothing comes to mind but a black space. This is the same feeling I am experiencing right now.

This is going to be my first blog. A friend encouraged me to write here a long time ago and it took me about 6 months to finally get started. How sad is that? I write paper for my Uni course all the time but then since this is my first here, I haven't decided what to write about so I thought I might as well start with Myself.

You only have to look at the name I chose to guess just how crazy I am about Literature. I always was. English has always been my favourite subject. I always knew what I wanted when growing up. I was interested in literature and any path that literature took me would be absolutely fine with me as long as I always get to deal with anything reading and writing. So I am here, doing my undergraduate in literature and loving every minute of it. I consider myself lucky in this area that I got to do what I always wanted to. Most people usually don't have this chance.

I graduated from Arts during my Grade 12 so I got to write a lot then. My Literature teacher would always ask our class to write an essay or a poem within a class. Although we were forced to think on our heel and hated it most of the time then, those two years realy helped improve my writing a lot and I know those forced writing is one of the reasons I am here studying my course.

After I came here, it was a complete change. The things we learn are completely different compared to what we are used to back Home. At home, we are taught but here we are asked to learn ourself. That has been a huge change but then I am sure you have heard about it enough times from others. But we learn to adjust and I did too. I still write. I have to write essays for my course all the time but those are different. Those writing are for the course. Things that you are compelled to write and graded for. Although writing in whatever manner does help improve you a lot, it is not the same. Overtime I realised I have not written something  not related to my course work for a very long time.  I do not have other work and I thought about writing often enough, but I somehow never got around to it.

I just started writing here and more often than not, I think my blog is going to be about Literature than anything else. I still have some time to finish my course and although I do not have much experience I like thinking of myself as One among the writers group. You always have to dream big in order to achieve it right? I do that a lot.

People often say that the first step is always the hardest. I just took mine and hopefully the journey will be easier from now on.