Fears and Opinions

I am still wondering what the purpose of this blog is. People usually start writing because they want to express their thoughts - no matter how cliché it sounds, some because of their ability to better express their feelings in writing rather than conversation.  I started this blog wanting to make my writing better and to catch on my writing before it fades away. But then I realised whenever I open this page to write I am not sure what to write about. I am all out of topic.

I am not saying I have nothing to write about because whoever you are once you open a notepad and start writing, somethings is bound to come up in your notes. I am not even saying I don't care about the environment enough to write about the pollution, or the twilight series or the latest sensational news that is on everyone's mind. I do care. It is not that I do not have sorrows of my own that I would want to write about or things happening in my life that I want to share. I do but the moment I open the page to write, what I want to write about is what is completely inappropriate to write down.

I want to write my feelings down but somehow it feels scary. Oscar Wilde wrote in The Picture of Dorian Gray, 'Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself.'. That is how it feels. I think in those mere lines, he successfully summarized how everyone feels just before they start revealing their work to the world's eye. I bet every other writer has a completely different version of the story in Private than when they know their work is going to be seen by other people.  I am not saying it is deviating from the truth but most usually mellow their opinions which they think is inappropriate for public view. We are naturally more self-conscious when we start writing about things that we know people are going to read and judge based on it. We are always more cautious.   

So I am here trying to write down everything that had happened to me or will happen to me but it still feels scary. But that is the point of it all, isn't it? Having the courage to bare everything in your mind and not be scared to show people what has really been on your mind. No matter how the world reacts to what you had to say, the feeling that you get after revealing it is what makes it worthwhile in the end. For me, it is just the initial fear assailing me for the moment but Believe me I started this with a purpose and I have no intention of stopping here. I intend to keep on writing so when I say there is still a lots more that I have to say, there really is.