Thursday, February 17

Being called a Feminist

I was called a feminist.

Ironically I don't take that to be a compliment. Don't get me wrong, I know I am a woman and I am all for gaining equal right for the sexes, I just don't find any advantage in whining about discriminating and the lacking privileges. 

You think you should get equal rights, you feel you are being discriminated so you organise a protest. And you wait and wait and wait for someone to notice you or get an approval. You are protesting but you still need someone else's permission to even organize that protest. Where is the equality there? Why need a government body or minister mostly made up of men to approve before you do it? To me, it just seem like an upgrade. You are asking for better pay but you still work under the same male boss so where is the difference? You are still in the same place, still under, not equal. That is not feminism. It shouldn't be.

I don't think feminism should be about fighting about our right, I think it should be about moving forward and doing things without having to fight for it. If you so believe in equal right why do you have to fight for it? You already believe it is your right so why whine? why fight? Why create such a fuss. All you have to do is claim the right to be already yours to begin with and do it. And if in case some protests your action, then that is when you fight, not for the right to do it but for having to defend your actions when other don't. That is when you should say you are being discriminated. Not before. 

Most woman says they are feminist, I am not. I refuse to take part in the whining of inequality and the protests but believe me if someone tries to stop me for doing something based on my sex, I am ready to get my claws out as good as any other woman.

Wednesday, February 16

Drinking and its Afterthoughts

Have you ever woken up with so huge a hangover you can not hear anything past the loud drumming of your head? Have you ever woken up remember nothing of the previous night but the bottles of wine on your hands? Has your head hurt so badly trying to think of all the things you did last night? Have you ever shrieked in horror listening to all the things you said when you were drunk?

It is always crazy what you say when you are drunk, isn't it? Drinking - It does things to people. It starts with an innocent enough single drink. You say ' It is alright, it is just a single drink.' but somehow you never realy end up not having a bottle throughout the whole night. It is alright at first but once the number starts increasing, there is realy no holding you back. You heartbeat starts accelerating, you can hear your blood pumping in your ears and everything around you becomes huge and somehow magnified. You go into this crazy mode saying all the inappropriate things, doing all the things you know you shouldn't and just being crazy. You know you are not suppose to say it but you end up saying it anyway. You know you are not suppose to do it but you end up doing it anyway. It is not that you don't know it is a bad idea doing things you know you will regret, it is just that although you try you can't help but do it. Furthermore once a drunkard mind takes hold of somethings you can never realy make one forget.  

Drinking also gives you courage. You say things that you wished you had said when you weren't drunk - someone hurt you, you say it. Some one gave horrible comments about you, you confront her about it. Someone did something horribly bad, you give your opinion to that too! If you are happy, you become crazy with happiness, if you are sad, you are inconsolably sad and if you are angry there is no controlling your rage. Furthermore the problem with drinks it, once you are a bit tipsy you just want to have more, more and more.

You never realy know it but somehow you end up asking all the inappropriate questions, doing all the improper things and having the time of your life. But to be fair, it is not the night you should be scared of, it is the morning after the night that you should actually dread. The awkwardness that people treat you with the next morning because you said something you shouldn't have, the amused gloating expression that other people carry when they see you, the delight they take in telling you about your crazy night escapade. And more often than not, the people who doesn't talk to you because you told them exactly what you felt the night before and it got too much to handle for them. That is what you should worry about, not the drinks. That is what is scary about getting drunk, not the crazy night but its consequences.

Someone once told me that he is able to produce the best of his work when he is not sober. He said it takes hold of his creativity and makes him write whatever comes into his mind and gives him the best of results. I thought I could try the same tonight. So this is me writing this piece when I am as he would call it 'out' trying to bring out my creativity as he so insist drinking does. But to be truthful, I don't think it does because I would not want to call this the best of my writing. I would want to think I have much more to contribute than this and that I will get so much more better at writing than this - that this is nothing compared to what I would want to be able to write. 

But hey, even with drinks I could still type without errors and write a whole piece, so that has got to count for somethings right?  

Tuesday, February 15

A salute to the Boys

You see a boy coming after you in School, someone says 'Hey, that guy has a crush on you ' or 'He wants to know if he can have your number' and it is just so easy to say 'I don't even know him' and get the topic done with. That usually is the typical Scenario when the girl doesn't like him back. It is so easy for a girl to just ignore a guy who seems to be crazy about her. Doesn't even bother her at all, comes out of habit I believe. But the truth is, it never even occurs to her how hard it can actually be for the boy in question to actually come after her. 

What do we think? Boys are suppose to be the manly gender, aren't they? It is their job to do the chase. It IS the Universal law that boys are supposed to be the one having to do all the work, right? So what is there in a proposal. It never occurs to a girl how hard it would be for a boy to come up to a complete stranger and place his trust on her, hoping the feeling would be mutual. Doesn't cross a girl's mind, what guts it takes for a boy to come up to her and actually tell her that he is in love with her. What grit it takes for someone to take the first step on the probability that whatever the relation, it might actually work out.

It is simple enough at first, a boy sees a girl that he thinks is pretty. Some come up to her and try establishing a relationship with her right then if he is confident enough. But  for most, it takes on a very lengthy process. He first tries to find out everything about that girl - what her names is, what she likes, who she hangs out with, what she does - Calling up friends of friends who knows her, messaging ex-school mates he had long been out of touch with on the slim possibility that they 'might' know her or even know someone who knows her. Then comes the process of knowing her friends on the hopes that he might actually get an introduction with her. Furthermore a simple introduction is never ever enough to get to know her. He has to actually impress the girl for him to establish a relationship as close as he would like. Then there is this process of being her 'friend' - the one she can talk to whenever she needs someone but to be careful, if a boy messes this up, they will forever be stuck in this same image 'as a friend' and nothing more. Furthermore even after all these process of work and research, there is never a guarantee that she will actually accept him. He ask his 'angel' out only to be told 'I don't even know you that well' or 'You are just a friend', all these effort can actually go to waste. So much work rendered useless with a single line. It is never taken into account what that single line would do to him. He is a guy, 'boys are suppose to be strong, they should be fine, right?' and that ends the topic right there.

Of course, it is different these days once you have grown up. You see a girl and you don't immediately go on finding out everything about her or even be that direct in their approach to ask her out. Also you learn better to handle the rejection. But once upon a time you did do it and did face the same situation one way of other. Or even if you didn't, you certainly saw someone else take the fall. It can be horribly difficult to hold your heart out for someone when you don't even know if the girl cares enough for you, yet they do it, all the time and repeatedly at times. We never realy pay too much attention to anything unless we are the ones who has to go through all those hurts. I never realized how hard it would be but when I think about it, I understand now

So this is for all the boys for having enough tenacity to go  after the girl you actually care about. The chase can be so much harder than playing 'hard to get'. Although some girls could, most would not. Furthermore even if she did, she would be too impatience to have the same persistence that you do.  So Thank you for doing all the chase, getting to know us and making us fall for you for it would realy be a different world otherwise.

Friday, February 11

5 minutes Taxi ride

'Stop!!!' I screamed as usual hurrying pass my house gate. 8.00 o' clock and the assembly starts at 8.15! I am very very late.

My tego is still only half-worn, my hair still uncombed - half flying, half tied. I have an egg sandwich in my hand and a bottle of water on the other trying desperately to reach the gate. It is my usual routine. I go to Yangchenphug and I am always late. I wake up at around 7.30 everyday but by the time I finish washing up and getting half-dressed for school, it is already 8 o'clock. Everyday I rush to the gate at about the same time and it is So difficult to get a taxi from where I live! If I am lucky enough I get a taxi soon enough and be only a few minutes late for school, if Not my name is already being called by my captain. Most days I am not lucky enough.

But today is not most days. I could hear a car approaching just as I neared the gates so I screamed, hoping it would stop. Luckily it stopped, 'Oh, Thank god at least I won't be late today!' I think throwing my half-eaten sandwich as I rush in.

I got in the back seat and without looking said 'Auu, YHS kay na mey*' immediately starting to shove my hands through my tego and starting to get dressed expecting the car to zoom off immediately. But the car did not move. I looked up and saw the driver turning back and looking at me as if I had horns spouting out of my head.

'Auu, Juba bey na Please, Nga late jo dey sey*' I pleaded still half trying to get my tego on. He had a very regal face and I remember thinking he was particularly good looking and very young.  He looked like he was in his 20s but I was in a rush so I didn't dwell on it too much. Something like amusement flashed on his face before he said 'Yes, ma'am' in a mocking tone and started driving.

I felt odd that he was being so sarcastic while I was perfectly nice to him and thought him to be rude but I was late so no matter the driver. I started concentrating back on my tego, wearing it properly and started folding my sleeves. I never get enough time before I start to get dressed properly so I always end up tiding up on my way to school. I folded my sleeves and started arranging my Wonju, carefully folding it up to my satisfaction. My hair was next. It wasn't tied up properly like the school deemed appropriate so I pulled out my comb from my pencil bag and started combing back my hair checking on the mirror to make sure it was being tied properly. I could feel the driver's eyes on me, his expression amused. I ignored him.

Throughout the trip, I saw the him looking at me in the rearview mirror so I purposely glared at him annoyed that he was staring.

Instead his face turned into a huge grin and in an amused tone asked 'Do you always get dressed in a taxi?'.

'I don't get dressed in a Taxi!' I said bitterly still glaring at him, too obsessed with my own appearance at the moment to notice that he spoke in perfectly good English. True, I tidy up my school dress on my way to School but that is NOT the same as getting dressed!

'Looks like dress-up to me' I remember him saying, still grinning.

I should have noticed his accent then but I didn't. I was too annoyed wondering why it was any of his business to note anything out of ordinary. It is not everyday that you meet a Taxi driver who speaks so good English, that too with a British accent! 'It is just ah....small modifications' I said and somehow that only made him laugh louder. He laughed out loud, throwing his head back and shouting with laughter. 'I don't get dressed in a taxi!' I repeated over his laughter, throwing daggers at him with my eyes.

'Alright, alright, I give up', he said holding up his hands as if in defeat though his smirk said otherwise. I started arranging my books, trying my best to ignore him. He continued starting at me in the rearview mirror with his grin intact.

'Do you mind driving faster please, I am late.'

'Yes, ma'am' he mocked again tilting his head to a side.

I avoided looking in the mirror knowing he would be looking at me and hoping he would not talk to me any further. I was already annoyed. Finished, I arranged my bag and tidied up with my wonju and tego still ignoring him. By the time I reached the School parking, I was all tidied up. Hair perfectly tied, Tego neatly folded, Wonju perfectly made, I looked like a typical good school girl. He looked at me and smiled appreciably. He was remembering the way I looked when I entered his taxi and comparing the unkempt girl to the image now. Annoyed I asked 'What?' thinking he was being rude to which he just laughed and said 'Nothing, Ma'am' in that same mocking tone.

When we reached the school parking, I saw a lot of students still walking towards school. Few of my friends were waiting for me along with the other students. God, I was not late! All my anger towards the driver went out the window. He was intrusive and annoying but he drove well. All the mattered was I was on time. The moment he stopped the car, I was out, wanting to get out as soon as possible. I asked

'Ga dhim chi inna?' I knew it was Nu 40, it was the normal agreed upon rate.

He looked at me, something flickering in his eyes for a while and said 'Tell you what, it is free, you don't have to pay'.

While it was a generous offer, I wasn't going to accept. After being so rude to me the whole ride, accepting it would leave me in a debt I absolutely did not want.

'Mingo*, How is that possible? I don't want it. I always pay Nu 40' saying that I handed him the money but he simply smiled and refused to take it. Sighing, that I was keeping my friends waiting I said 'Look, I don't like it that it is free but you aren't taking the money so why not let me pay you half, so that way both are happy?'

'You are one stubborn lady, aren't you?' He said, 'I bet your teachers have a hard time keeping you in control!' and just like that my anger resurfaced.

'I think you should mind your own business' I said and left the Nu 20 bill on the seat and slammed the door. To that too, his only reaction was a loud laugh. I refused to turn back and see the smile I knew he would be wearing. At my expense.

I walked towards my friends ready to tell them about the horrible driver I just encountered. As I reached my friends, they waved and said 'Who is the hot guy who just dropped you off?' Puzzled I looked back and to my horror, I saw him! It was not a taxi I had climbed into when I hurried from Home. It was a private car! I hadn't bothered to check if it was a taxi when I climbed in. No wonder, he had looked at me as if I had horns and no wonder he called me 'ma'am'. I had made a decent guy my diver for the ride and been horrible rude to him too! Oh God, I felt so embarrassed and to think I paid him! The person was kind enough to drop a crazy gal to school and I paid him. I remember turning bright red and I knew the exact moment he knew I had realized my mistake. His wide grin suddenly turned into a loud laugh and throwing his head back he gave a bark of laughter. Still grinning, with my forced Nu 20 bill in his hands he mocked a salute towards me mounting the words 'Yes, ma'am' and drove past me back to town.

Right then I remember standing there on the parking lot and wondering who he was. I don't think anyone would have been that kind to drop a strange girl to school and not be offended by my assumptions.  Others would have kicked me out of his car the instant I made the mistake but Not him. He dropped me to School, not to forget On time. But I never realy did find out. I never met him after that day though not for lack of trying. It felt like he was there only for that day and lost again. Despite that I know I am always going to remember him, my encounter with him made my whole day then and perhaps even the year. I haven't mistaken a private car for a taxi since then, thought sometime I wish I did. Perhaps I will meet him then.

* Auu, YHS kay na mey ---> Can you drop me to YHS?'
 Auu, Juba bey na Please, Nga late jo dey sey ---. Please be fast, I am already late.
Mingo ---> No

Thursday, February 10

Life of An Undergrad!

I Love it Here...I mean, yes there are moments when I miss Home terribly and wish I was there but then this is what my life is going to be built around Now and I like it. I like the independence of it all. Like being awake till 3 Am in the Morning without having anyone to tell you what to do or going for a walk at 12 midnight just for the thrill of it. It all sounded so forbidden then and now you do it everyday. Eating whatever you want, whenever you want regardless of your obsession with weight, talking about boys or going for shopping everyday without having to explain anything to anyone. It is all just so much fun!!!

And then the Lectures itself, one really couldn't care less if one attend it or not, provided you submit the assignments on time, though always last minute and of course plagiarized! And if in case it happens that one of your friends is taking the same subject that you are- then there is no reason to attend it all all - He can do all the learning for You! And there would still be no one to tell you anything but yourself!

And then there would be the weekend Parties- it would be someone's birthday or someone's hook-up but party it will always be. Some drink, some dance, some do Both. And still you would enjoy it till the last plate of chips is over or the last bottle of wine smashed. You wake up with a huge hang-over the next Morning or still be too sleepy to wake up for your Class and there would still be no one to say a thing.

And then there are relationships...always relationships! Someone likes someone, or someone hooked up with someone or someone broke up with other and the rumors that follows. Two guys fought over her or he cheated on her. It always happens. And then Comes the endless session of gals crying their heart out and guys drinking their head out! The forever vow never to 'love' again until you see them proposing another gal just the next day!

And then Sometimes comes the moment of loneliness...moments when you wish someone was there with you to share every enjoyable moment. There are friends of course, but for all those late night talks and fashion discussion you can't help but wish for something more. And then that Someone comes along, shares few moments with you and then suddenly it all ends too...And then you are left wondering perhaps I did something wrong, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea after all or perhaps I shouldn't have got involved in the first place. But then in the end, you always remember that the moments you shared are yours and yours alone and then you are glad it all happened and move on, again wakin up at 3 Pm in the afternoon, eating comfort food, getting drunk and doing every random thing!

Yes, There are moments when you think perhaps my parents won't approve of this or perhaps my Sisters won't like the way I live and then you decide 'Alright,I am going to be responsible from this day onward' And then the moment you see a bottle of wine, all that good intentions flies right out of the window - 'This is the last time, I swear I'll be responsible from Tomorrow' and then the Craziness always continues on...In the end, the only Explanation you can actually give for all the crazy thing you do is 'Hey, This is Life, you got to enjoy it,right?'